Notes from the Porch 8/20
August 20. 2008
1 Peter 2: 9-10
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”
I have lived my life as something of a one trick, two at most, pony. I became absorbed in my studies and training in psychology and Christianity and learned to do one thing well, depth psychology that has been cleansed in scripture. Psychotherapy and prayer replaced academics and sports in a soul limited in so many ways. I have never done well with people except one to one and in conversations of depth. Groups scare me, as does small talk, normal social politics, and simple good manners. I would rather be alone with a book or nature than in a big church. I am at ease with my family and closest friends, not to mention my dog Bailey, but I don’t do well at all in most of the areas of life that normal people inhabit. I have been aggressively independent, not because I am multitalented and can take care of everything, but mostly out of desperation.
Most people seem to confuse my simple strangeness and discomfort for arrogance or aloofness. I can barely turn on a computer, and beyond writing on it, which I screw up continually, I am helpless with one. Again, it’s not that I am not too good for computers, but rather too stupid. Cancer has made me a dependent, communal person, the silk purse out of a sow’s ear. I am traveling now in uncharted waters without basic skills and training, so limited has been my existence. I write for our website but I almost never get to see it.
Barb yesterday brought me the great gift of all the postings, public and private. My crying thing has been a bit jammed up lately but this opened the doors. I have known that I had brothers and sisters in Christ, but never have I felt it so much or embraced it so much as in this season of need. I have felt the prayers of the saints throughout, but knowing how many of you take your precious time and read our updates and pray for us faithfully in very specific ways makes me feel overwhelmingly grateful to all of you, my brothers and sisters.
Your encouragement and scripture passages and advice and admonitions and personal stories bring home the fact that we are not just family but a royal priesthood. So many special gifts in so many special people. If I had the minutes on my phone service, I would call each one of you personally to thank you for your special part. I know that is what computers are for these days but that won’t happen without a miracle along the lines of the parting of the Red Sea.
Thank you for teaching me that emotionally I was once “not a people” but now feel like a crippled priest in “the kingdom of God”.
May God bless each and every one of you with every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus.